I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
