Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
