Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
