I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
