fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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