We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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