if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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