i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize