Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
