I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
