Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
