am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
