two words: eviction party
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
