Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
