I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
