My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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