my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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