after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize