I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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