I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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