Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
