Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize