You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
