Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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