like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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