there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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