its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
