just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
