At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
