she woke up with a sticky ear
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
