I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
