Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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