I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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