Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Let's paint friendship bongs
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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