I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
