Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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