Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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