I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
