he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
