We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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