I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
