I'm so fucking centered right now
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
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