Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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