ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
