thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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