I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
