If i come over, it means nothing
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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