my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
