You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
