Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize