his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
