So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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