He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
