respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
