sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
