Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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