woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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