wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
