goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize