Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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