I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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