Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
