Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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