haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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