I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
In America we eat man semen.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize