Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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