Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
