So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
