You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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