lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
