so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
