saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
