If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Small penises have feelings too.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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