I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
