What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
