i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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