Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
