My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
