I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
