She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
