im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
God I need to hump something, right now.
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