gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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