How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
