I have demons in me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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