I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
