Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize