i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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