weddingsv make me drug and hornr
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
