She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
