I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
