Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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