I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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