just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
