It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
