Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
