did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
