...so i touched it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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