The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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