her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
