my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
