i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
