and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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