I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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